I am beginning this with my diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder-- from the day the words were first presented to me and on, hopefully until I can feel "normal" once again. I expect this to be emotionally ravaging and bittersweet at times. Here is goes . . .
Ask me anything
** I have professional experience in the mental health field. This makes me knowledgeable but I am not acting as a qualified professional here. My advice is an informed opinion, but not to be taken as sound medical advice**
This bar smells like vomit and they are playing “fake plastic trees.” There is a Crown Royal ad with a lion strolling across the bar. And all the men in their business suits with their eyes like evevators shoot a smile. Take me home. Take away the feeling.
Life beings again in the Fall, so that means I have three more months of everything being too hot. Even my heartbeat pulsing in my head is torrid, and the icy showers do not calm it down. I need to be alone, and the old habits of letting another person fuck me too hard will not erase this. I am not sure that will be productive anyways, it just leaves more makeup on my sheets and increases my water bill adding monetary value to each fake word and moan.
I feel this in the back of my mind, the illness. The decrepit dark like the tears that blur my vision on the way to work. I say, “This is how life works, this is how the story goes.” I say, “After all, the fox did get left in the desert.” Am I the scorching sand on your paws now? I am nothing at all. Ask me and I will tell you, “I am a professional. I am caregiver. I am an ex-lover.”
I am now a ghost.