This article explores increasing awareness of existential freedom to help in the struggle to regulate emotions.
(via beingborderline)
On the Edge, Over the Border
I am beginning this with my diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder-- from the day the words were first presented to me and on, hopefully until I can feel "normal" once again. I expect this to be emotionally ravaging and bittersweet at times. Here is goes . . .
** I have professional experience in the mental health field. This makes me knowledgeable but I am not acting as a qualified professional here. My advice is an informed opinion, but not to be taken as sound medical advice**
Ask me anything
June172013
12AM
“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”
Pema Chodron (via mojominx)
(Source: lazyyogi, via athousandmistingdawns)
June132013
“So this was how you died; in whispers that you did not hear.”
Ernest Hemingway, “The Snows of Kilimanjaro,”from The Complete Short Stories (via violentwavesofemotion)
(via lifeinpoetry)
10PM
bord·er·line: “You survived by seizing every tiny drop of love you could find...
“You survived by seizing every tiny drop of love you could find anywhere, and milking it, relishing it, for all it was worth. And as you grew up, you sought love, anywhere you could find it, whether it was a teacher or a coach or a friend or a friend’s parents. You sought those tiny droplets of…
9PM
“I had the idea that the world’s so full of pain
it must sometimes make a kind of singing.” Robert Hass, “Faint Music” (via mirroir)
it must sometimes make a kind of singing.” Robert Hass, “Faint Music” (via mirroir)
(Source: arpeggia, via lifeinpoetry)
8PM
Cosmic Sunshine: “It feels like joy. Like standing in the presence of God and knowing...
“It feels like joy. Like standing in the presence of God and knowing you are loved without reservation. It feels the way you haven’t felt since you were a small child, absolutely alive, absolutely in the moment, able to feel and experience and share with others without fear or hesitation. It is…
Friday.
June122013
“He pushed me down the stairs and broke my arm. I had to say I tripped.”
8PM
This bar smells like vomit and they are playing “fake plastic trees.” There is a Crown Royal ad with a lion strolling across the bar. And all the men in their business suits with their eyes like evevators shoot a smile. Take me home. Take away the feeling.
2PM
6/11
Life beings again in the Fall, so that means I have three more months of everything being too hot. Even my heartbeat pulsing in my head is torrid, and the icy showers do not calm it down. I need to be alone, and the old habits of letting another person fuck me too hard will not erase this. I am not sure that will be productive anyways, it just leaves more makeup on my sheets and increases my water bill adding monetary value to each fake word and moan.
I feel this in the back of my mind, the illness. The decrepit dark like the tears that blur my vision on the way to work. I say, “This is how life works, this is how the story goes.” I say, “After all, the fox did get left in the desert.” Am I the scorching sand on your paws now? I am nothing at all. Ask me and I will tell you, “I am a professional. I am caregiver. I am an ex-lover.”
I am now a ghost.
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